Not only do I not leave the house because I can't find the motivation, but also because being in crowds gives me anxiety. I can't go to the grocery store without thinking everyone is looking at me even when I know they aren't. When I'm out in public I don't talk loud because I'm afraid people are listening to my conversation. If anyone makes eye contact with me my stomach will drop and I will start breathing faster. When I'm called on in class or someone mentions my name, my heart races and I feel self-conscious with all eyes on me. I used to want to become a famous actress until I realized I had stage fright. I don't like when all the attention is focused on myself because I am so afraid of being judged or embarrassing myself. There is a difference between being shy or nervous in front of crowds and having social anxiety which is much more severe. To find out if you have social anxiety take this online test at https://socialanxietyinstitute.org/test-social-anxiety-disorder-find-out-if-you-suffer-social-phobia. Remember, this is not a definite diagnosis and for a more accurate diagnosis talk to your physician. When I took this test I received a score of 56 which means I have moderate social anxiety and would most likely be diagnosed with social anxiety.
Anxiety in my Life
Everything that is listed in the picture above on the right is exactly how I feel. Until I absolutely had to I would make my parents or my sister make any phone calls even if it was just to order a pizza. I would ask my mom to order my food when we went out to restaurants until my senior year of high school. Whenever I'm in public, not matter where it is, I feel uncomfortable and want to hide every inch of my body. I have had panic attacks in crowded places and am always thinking that others are making fun of me. I don't go anywhere alone and never have. Even if I just need to run to the store for one thing I would rather take someone than go alone. I can't even handle taking the trash out because the dumpster is 10 apartments down and many of my neighbors hang out on their front porches. I absolutely hate going anywhere alone. I don't go to parties and I barely leave my house. I get made fun of and given a lot of crap from friends about never going out, but they just don't understand why.
Anxiety in my Relationship
My boyfriend and I will be out on a date or just out enjoying the day running errands and I'll be fine on our way out but once we get there I will close up and become a completely different person. Devan, my boyfriend, will ask me what's wrong and I'll say nothing when really I'm just feeling super anxious about being out in public. He will get upset with me and then I'll start crying and almost have a panic attack for feeling so embarrassed for crying in public. When I go visit Devan's family, every single time, I get sick to my stomach and spend the whole time throwing up and telling them I just don't feel well...again. They think that something is really wrong with me, but I think it's just because I am so anxious about being around his family. I know they like me, but I'm so nervous that they won't so I try my hardest to be perfect for them. I don't want to embarrass myself in front of them or say anything that might make them not like me. I just wish I could spend a day with them without feeling sick to my stomach.
How to deal
One thing you can do to help cope with social anxiety is recognize that anxiety is all in our minds. Anxiety feeds off of negative exaggerations made by that little voice inside your head. The solution to this is to examine those anxious thoughts and correct them. Instead of telling yourself that your presentation will go all wrong, tell yourself that things will go well and if they don't then it won't be the end of the world. Ask yourself if your anxious thought is true, important, or helpful. For 7 ways to help change your thinking check out this blog here. |
Another thing you can do to cope, as expressed in this blog, is simply learn to control your breathing. This is what helps me calm down the most. I take deep breaths in through my nose and out through my mouth to help slow down my heart rate. Yoga can help teach you how to control your breathing as well as other forms of meditation. A symptom of anxiety is rapid shallow breaths so by being able to control that you are able to control your anxiety. |
A third way to cope is to change the focus. When I feel anxious I'm usually focused on my racing heart or how embarrassed I am to look anxious. Instead I should change my focus to what I am doing rather than how I am feeling. By focusing on neutral factors it disrupts the anxiety cycle and helps you feel more in control. So if you have to just focus on the color of the walls or the couches or chairs. |