Most of the time my boyfriend, Devan, is really great. I mean he is great all the time, but specifically dealing with my depression. But there are other times when he says something about my depression or says it with the wrong tone or he meant it as a joke that ends up making me feel even worse. It's all about that stigma around mental illnesses. I tell him I'm not being lazy and he says it's 50/50 (as a joke) then proceeds to tell me he knows I'm not. But now I just feel like he is lying and really does feel like I'm being dramatic about things when I'm not. We will be out in public and I'll be perfectly fine. We will be laughing and joking and then I'll get really self-conscious. Something drastically changes and I'll either get quiet or self-conscious or anxious or very irritable and he tells me I'm acting 'weird'. Yes I start acting differently and I don't know why and yes this happens a lot, but don't call it weird. That makes me feel like crap. I wish that these waves of emotions and dark thoughts would go away and not make me act the way that I do, but I can't help it. I have no control over it. So that makes me weird. That makes me not normal. That makes me a freak. Or at least that's how I take it. Dramatic? Yeah I guess. But, again, I can't control that it. And when the one person I need to accept me and try to understand me pretty much kicks me when I'm down, it brings me so much lower.
I have heard many different theories about how living a healthy life can help beat depression without the use of medication. I am just too stubborn to change my diet or add exercise right now. I have implemented other ways that make me feel better without medicine, but like I said in my last post, I still have to take my medication. There are simple things that one can do to feel better and then there are bigger changes one can make. The Simple WaysLive Your Life for YOU A Huffington Post article found here describes how depression can happen when you are living your life for other people. When trying to please others like our parents, spouse, or friends, one can start to feel trapped which can lead to depression and anxiety. If you are a people pleaser like myself then you know how hard it is to feel like you've disappointed someone you love. But the truth is that I can't make everyone happy. No matter what I do someone will find a reason to be upset with me for it. That's just how life is. It's one of the hardest things I'm learning to accept. STOP Comparing Yourself The Huffington Post article says sometimes we compare ourselves to others as a way to motivate ourselves to work harder, but in the end it just makes us feel like we aren't good enough and never will be. I know that for myself I am always wanting to be the best, be number one, the winner and when I'm not I feel worse than dirt. I have learned over the years that everybody is fighting their own battles and their own demons and the grass isn't always greener on the other side. This is another lesson that is hard for myself to accept, but I am slowly working on it. When I find myself comparing my life to someone else's I immediately stop and remind myself of all that I've accomplished. We are all on different paths and one isn't any better than another. Here is an article from The Positivity Blog that lists 3 ways to stop comparing yourself and start empowering yourself: http://www.positivityblog.com/index.php/2014/09/03/comparison-trap/ Be Kind A blog post on MindBodyGreen.com lists ten ways to beat depression with being kind to yourself listed as number one. Depression is all about hating yourself and focusing all your anger on yourself instead of others. When I get angry I always take it out on myself because I feel like I'm the one who deserves it. This is when self-harm can develop. Isn't that a weird concept? Being so angry that you are willing to cause yourself physical pain? Why? Why do we hate ourselves so much? Why are we so cruel to ourselves? Learning to love yourself is not easy, but therapy can help and talking to others can help. It's important that we learn to forgive ourselves and love ourselves for the perfectly imperfect humans that we are. Bigger ChangesChange Your Diet Healthyplace.com says that the first step to a healthy mental state is to rule out any underlying causes for example a bad diet. Too much fatty foods can cause many physical problems with the body not even related to your mental state. Another article found here suggests eliminating fried foods, gluten, alcohol, caffeine, and a meat based diet to improve the brains chemical balance. Many people who are depressed are highly attracted to sugar and caffeine for the high it gives by stimulating serotonin levels, which boosts your mood for a short period of time. The problem with sugar is the crash after the high. When you crash your blood sugar level drops love causing fatigue, irritability and anxiety. I have one of the worst diets ever. All I eat is everything that's bad for me and nothing that is good. I'm sure that if I ate better I would feel better. I just don't have time to eat healthy with graduation just around the corner. I have too much to focus on rather than my health. This is not how I should think but I can't help it. I keep promising myself that I will learn to eat right once I graduate, but I'm usually all talk and no action. Take Vitamins Greenmedinfo.com says there is one main vitamin that assists in fighting depression. Vitamin B12 contains folic acid which is directly related to depression. The lower levels of folic acid in the blood is related to a higher level of depression. Huffington Post agrees with taking B vitamins, but adds that taking fish oil can help with symptoms as well. Both supplements have what are considered "good" fatty acids like omega-3 rather than "bad" fatty acids that are found in fast food. MindBodyGreen.com says that vitamin D is also a major way to boost your mood. Incase you didn't know, vitamin D can also be found in sunshine. By being out in the sun you start to feel better and happier. These supplements help with regulating mood and I myself need to start taking my vitamins. I buy some and then I never take them. Who knows what kind of progress I would have if I actually did take all this great advice. Exercise
According to WebMD, physical activity releases endorphins which help reduce pain and gives a euphoric feeling. Regular exercise has been proven to reduce stress, boost self-esteem, and improve sleep. Not to mention all of the physical benefits like a stronger heart, higher energy levels, and lowers blood pressure. The World of Psychology says that the motivation to exercise is what holds most people back. When you are feeling depressed it's hard enough to get out of bed. There are ways to to get your body moving without it feeling like exercise. You can meet with a friend for a walk just around the neighborhood or take your pet for a walk. It doesn't have to be an hour long, it can be fifteen minutes as long as you get up and moving. I used to play softball competitively until college and I always felt so much better after a practice, workout, or game. Now that I have been physically lazy for four years I find myself feeling worse and I do realize that I feel better after exercising. The only problem with that is I don't have time to go to the gym right now. I used to go to the gym like twice a week, but then I cancelled my membership due to lack of time. I then decided to start working out again. I went for a couple weeks, but then I got really busy and couldn't find the time. So now I'm paying for a membership that I don't use. It's hard enough to admit that you are depressed. It's even harder to rely on pills to make yourself feel normal and happy. I absolutely hate having to take medication everyday. I take one pill for my hypothyroidism, which I'll have to take for the rest of my life, and one antidepressant. Since I was diagnosed with depression, I have been prescribed a number of different medications and have adjusted the dosages accordingly until I was able to find something that worked. I think what I'm taking now really does help me, but I wish I didn't have to take them. I just wish I was able to think happy thoughts and everything would be okay.
Yes it's true that there are a number of side effects, but that's true when it comes to any medication. That is why you have to talk to your doctor and they can find what will be best for you specifically and inform you on what wouldn't be wise to take. And yes it's true that the medication might not work. Then you have to adjust the levels and maybe even try a few different kinds of medication. Obviously if there are ways that make you feel better without medication then it would be best to do that. But sometimes you do need it and that's okay. That's something I'm still learning to accept. It's not easy. "Taking pills doesn't make you weak. It means you are strong enough to accept you need help."
Positive Self Affirmations
This is still a work in progress for me, but I am really happy with the progress I have been seeing. If you are having trouble creating your own positive affirmations, check out this post from another blog. I found that it may be helpful for others. http://www.thehappiempire.com/2012/03/create-your-perfect-personal-affirmation/ Perfection Doesn't Exist
To this day I find myself seeking perfection and have to remind myself that as long as I'm doing the best I can then that's all that matters. I found that this blog post perfectly explained the connection between perfectionism and anxiety and suggest that you take a look at it. It's really interesting information! http://www.healthyplace.com/blogs/anxiety-schmanxiety/2014/05/the-link-between-perfectionism-and-anxiety/ "It's not selfish to love yourself, take care of yourself, and to make your happiness a priority. It's NECESSARY" |
About MeMy name is Casey Velarde and I am from Las Vegas, NV. I graduated from SUU with my bachelors degree in 2015. I was diagnosed with depression my sophomore year of high school and it's a fight every day, but I try my best to hide it.
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